I have made it three days back in the work world. I'm exhausted. I really need a part-time schedule - with full-time pay. I had a friend send an excellent idea for a background story for me here in Northern Indiana. He said he once told folks at a new job location that his family were rodent farmers! How awesome is that. I'm open to other suggestions! I wish I had told them I prefer to be called Laqueesha - my friend from Fishers library. They would have put it on my security badge and everything. Then I could go get really long finger nails and talk with a Laqueesha accent!
They talk funny here - like a canadian accent - ya know? They think I talk with a twang. I don't but I will. I think I will be from southern Georgia. And my family will either be rodent farmers, (that is just such an awesome story) or nose hair barbers. Maybe I need to refine that a bit. Maybe I was once an FBI special agent that was reassigned to Zimmer through the witness protection program.
I will NOT miss applying for unemployment every week only to have the state of Indiana tell me I will not be receiving anything. I fill out about 7 full screens only to get a DENIED! It's like Someone's Man Mitch is laughing in my face!
Maybe I could be a past gator wrestler. Or a lion trainer with the circus. There are soooo many possibilities.
Any of you out there that are unemployed, consider developing a fake career you can tell people. It's so much more fun than saying, "I'm currently seeking unique opportunities".
My sleep pattern is slowly returning to normal. It's hard not seeing my late night TV shows. I am so out of the loop on Kid Killers and Fatal Attractions. I have found a new one called, "Disappeared" - creepy but interesting and within prime time so I can watch it.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Entering the Working World
Well, today I re-entered the workforce. I will miss sleeping in late and wearing shorts and flip flops daily. Women's dress shoes are so uncomfortable!
Lilly and I have moved into our new place and are adjusting. She doesn't yet understand what the heck is going on but she is doing well.
My son Noah helped me shop for antique furniture for my place and we found some great deals!
I began the day meeting my boss at my new office. I then had a series of meetings all day long. I can't complain, my security badge information was pretty darn good so that's a good start!!!
My office has been scavenged such that only a desk remains. I will spruce it up soon enough.
I forgot how interesting people in the workplace can be. Some are very friendly, some seem to hate being at work. I tried to tell these haters how unappealing unemployment is but they just stared at me like I was looney.
Starting work in a completely new city and new company allows me to re-invent myself. I toyed with going in with an Australian accent but I have trouble keeping it going - sometimes it sounds like a British accent or a bit Irish or even Indian.
I'm still deciding whether to tell them I used to be a model or maybe a brain surgeon. They have no idea - could be really fun.
I did get to see how orthopedic implants are made today - fascinating process. I think I might even get brave enough to watch one actually be implanted in a real person.
Many of you wished me well today as I began the day. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciated that. It really made me feel less alone.
I'll keep adding to the blog as I have learnings about starting a new job.
Lilly and I have moved into our new place and are adjusting. She doesn't yet understand what the heck is going on but she is doing well.
My son Noah helped me shop for antique furniture for my place and we found some great deals!
I began the day meeting my boss at my new office. I then had a series of meetings all day long. I can't complain, my security badge information was pretty darn good so that's a good start!!!
My office has been scavenged such that only a desk remains. I will spruce it up soon enough.
I forgot how interesting people in the workplace can be. Some are very friendly, some seem to hate being at work. I tried to tell these haters how unappealing unemployment is but they just stared at me like I was looney.
Starting work in a completely new city and new company allows me to re-invent myself. I toyed with going in with an Australian accent but I have trouble keeping it going - sometimes it sounds like a British accent or a bit Irish or even Indian.
I'm still deciding whether to tell them I used to be a model or maybe a brain surgeon. They have no idea - could be really fun.
I did get to see how orthopedic implants are made today - fascinating process. I think I might even get brave enough to watch one actually be implanted in a real person.
Many of you wished me well today as I began the day. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciated that. It really made me feel less alone.
I'll keep adding to the blog as I have learnings about starting a new job.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Buying in Bulk
In case they see this, I will preface this post by saying that I love my mother and sister dearly. They are both Costco members and I had the chance to go to Costco for the first time in my life Saturday. I figured, I have been unemployed so i need to consider buying in bulk. What was I thinking?
It was an interesting experience - a bit scary - but interesting.
Our journey began with a huge influx of Costco faithfuls pouring into the Costco near Castleton. It was nearly 100 degrees out so it was very warm inside the Costco warehouse. I spent much of my time in the fresh vegetable and fruit section which was a food freezer. The temperature was just right for me.
I must admit that i have never seen some of the items sold at Costco. Four pound boxes of Cheese Its, 2 pound containers of mustard. I like mustard a lot but I don't really have anywhere to store 2 pounds of mustard. Then there was the 48 rolls of toilet paper. Imagine how many houses you could TP with that much toilet paper!
They had free food samples so I thought maybe I would be able to grab a quick lunch of food samples. But the food samples were weird!!! Black bean burgers! Dill pickles! Greek yogurt! Humus! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck! Who eats this stuff?!? (My sister - that's who and Kathy Sanders!).
Where were the pizza samples and chips/dip, pork chops, brownies, any real food?
I also visited the pharmacy section where you can buy bulk vitamins and medication. I nearly got a 248 count tylenol but it wouldn't fit in my medicine cabinet. I also wanted to get a 3 pound container of Fred Flintstone vitamins, (those things taste awesome) but wasn't sure if Fred Flintstone vitamins work for adults.
I settled on getting two toasters, an iron, 120 pack of dryer sheets, (I will never have to purchase these again!), water and gatorade.
Mom - thanks for an experience I will never forget. Unless Dave and I decide to adopt 12 or more children, I think I will just shop at regular grocery stores from now on - big containers of food, much like big people, scare me.
It was an interesting experience - a bit scary - but interesting.
Our journey began with a huge influx of Costco faithfuls pouring into the Costco near Castleton. It was nearly 100 degrees out so it was very warm inside the Costco warehouse. I spent much of my time in the fresh vegetable and fruit section which was a food freezer. The temperature was just right for me.
I must admit that i have never seen some of the items sold at Costco. Four pound boxes of Cheese Its, 2 pound containers of mustard. I like mustard a lot but I don't really have anywhere to store 2 pounds of mustard. Then there was the 48 rolls of toilet paper. Imagine how many houses you could TP with that much toilet paper!
They had free food samples so I thought maybe I would be able to grab a quick lunch of food samples. But the food samples were weird!!! Black bean burgers! Dill pickles! Greek yogurt! Humus! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck! Who eats this stuff?!? (My sister - that's who and Kathy Sanders!).
Where were the pizza samples and chips/dip, pork chops, brownies, any real food?
I also visited the pharmacy section where you can buy bulk vitamins and medication. I nearly got a 248 count tylenol but it wouldn't fit in my medicine cabinet. I also wanted to get a 3 pound container of Fred Flintstone vitamins, (those things taste awesome) but wasn't sure if Fred Flintstone vitamins work for adults.
I settled on getting two toasters, an iron, 120 pack of dryer sheets, (I will never have to purchase these again!), water and gatorade.
Mom - thanks for an experience I will never forget. Unless Dave and I decide to adopt 12 or more children, I think I will just shop at regular grocery stores from now on - big containers of food, much like big people, scare me.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Urine Testing and Paperwork
Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to have a new job. However, the e-mails I continue to get to fill out paperwork are astounding. I have received 20 plus e-mails asking me to print paperwork, sign it, scan it and e-mail it back. They obviously don't realize that I have afternoon naps to take and food to eat. Gosh!
And I had the pleasure of going to a lab at 71st street in Indy to take a urine test. Now this is a test I know I can pass - with flying colors. However, the lab "technician" or pervert or whatever she was, wanted to watch me urinate. I declined that fabulous offer and informed her that only DOL employees have to be observed when peeing - believe me I did my research on this one. She then wanted me to crack the bathroom door so she could hear me. I told her she could pat me down or what ever she wanted but I can't pee if people are observing. So she opted to stand outside the bathroom door and listen - urine fetish I guess.
I normally have to go to the bathroom rather frequently. Of course, once I had an audience, I could not go to save my life. So I was then informed by Penny the Pee perv that I could not leave the collection clinic until I peed in the cup or it would be noted as a refusal to comply. What the heck! So I drank over 40 ounces, (no lie) of water trying to coax my bladder. I finally was able to give the minimum amount of urine.
Of course I got no sleep last night because I had to pee every 2 hours from all the water.
At least I will take some satisfaction in knowing that "Penny" has to handle other people's urine all day!
And I had the pleasure of going to a lab at 71st street in Indy to take a urine test. Now this is a test I know I can pass - with flying colors. However, the lab "technician" or pervert or whatever she was, wanted to watch me urinate. I declined that fabulous offer and informed her that only DOL employees have to be observed when peeing - believe me I did my research on this one. She then wanted me to crack the bathroom door so she could hear me. I told her she could pat me down or what ever she wanted but I can't pee if people are observing. So she opted to stand outside the bathroom door and listen - urine fetish I guess.
I normally have to go to the bathroom rather frequently. Of course, once I had an audience, I could not go to save my life. So I was then informed by Penny the Pee perv that I could not leave the collection clinic until I peed in the cup or it would be noted as a refusal to comply. What the heck! So I drank over 40 ounces, (no lie) of water trying to coax my bladder. I finally was able to give the minimum amount of urine.
Of course I got no sleep last night because I had to pee every 2 hours from all the water.
At least I will take some satisfaction in knowing that "Penny" has to handle other people's urine all day!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Kill the Chipmunks...
I really need to start work soon, for several reasons. First, I have become obsessed with my flowers this year - I'm like a crazy old lady with 100 cats only I have 100 flowers. I planted some very pretty Gerber Daisies. They were awesome. Then came the chipmunks. Now, normally, I like chipmunks. They seemed all cute and whatnot. Now I want to kill the chipmunks. They are eating my plants. And they are fast little suckers. Can't catch them with my hands. Maybe I will go all Hunger Games on them and set traps and such. Are you beginning to see why I need work?!?
Second, my brain is slowly decreasing in capability. As I mentioned before, I have received an offer from a great company. The offer was verbal and I have been awaiting a written offer for over a week. I was complaining to my husband this morning about the negative candidate experience I was having and that I was tempted to call my new boss and tell her that I didn't know if I wanted to take the job as I have received no communication. Then I realized that I am a complete moron who didn't know how to check my cell phone for voicemail messages. My future employer, (unless they realize how dumb I am) had left three messages asking me to provide some information on-line. DUH! I promptly called the Recruiter and completed the information at warp speed.
Maybe chipmunk hunting will sharpen my mind. I'm heading to Walmart now for some camo and ammo and black face paint. Those two chipmunks don't stand a chance.
Second, my brain is slowly decreasing in capability. As I mentioned before, I have received an offer from a great company. The offer was verbal and I have been awaiting a written offer for over a week. I was complaining to my husband this morning about the negative candidate experience I was having and that I was tempted to call my new boss and tell her that I didn't know if I wanted to take the job as I have received no communication. Then I realized that I am a complete moron who didn't know how to check my cell phone for voicemail messages. My future employer, (unless they realize how dumb I am) had left three messages asking me to provide some information on-line. DUH! I promptly called the Recruiter and completed the information at warp speed.
Maybe chipmunk hunting will sharpen my mind. I'm heading to Walmart now for some camo and ammo and black face paint. Those two chipmunks don't stand a chance.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Year of the Skunk
So, I have officially been disinherited by my father for the Merle Haggard comments. I stand by my statements. Freedom of speech and all that!!
The more I think about 2012, the more I believe it is a year that will go down as having a stinky start!! First, Dave has to have open heart surgery, then I leave Roche without another job and do the unemployment thing, then Chelsea has to start the kidney transplant process and THEN she has to get her tonsils out. And I was promised tickets to Zoobilation by my ex-employer which are now out of the question. AND my baby boy will be a Senior next school year! So I am old and it has been a crappy year so far. Other cultures have years named for animals - year of the monkey, year of the snake, etc. I deem 2012 the Year of the Skunk for its stinkiness.
Maybe the second half of 2012 will be the year of the Puppy, (everyone loves a puppy - right - cute, cuddly, fun, happy!). I mean there have been some signs that things are changing...I almost have a job, (still waiting for that paper offer letter. My new employer uses Taleo as Roche does and are awaiting approval of the requisition in the system. Apparently the Finance approver is on vacation and has no system proxy). And I have read a lot of books that had been collecting dust for years. And I have an awesome tan - sitting outside drinking my iced tea has become a ritual for me. My kids are gorgeous and I no longer spend time in the underbelly of the Fishers Library, (BTW, one of my contacts from the underbelly has informed me that Laqueesha is back. Apparently her ability to do good hair was all in her mind. I might go back into the underbelly and do a documentary or short story featuring Laqueesha). Oh, and all of you have been so kind and helpful that I realize "you like me, you really like me!" (For those youngsters in the audience, that was a Sally Field shoutout).
Well, I have to go back to my latest venture - online college courses that your tax dollars pay for me to take!! I am studying Philosophy. It makes my brain tired to try to keep up with all the arguments people spend time making up in Philosophy. And the questions on the weekly assignments are really not meant to be answered...What's the meaning of life?...Who is God?...What is most real or ultimately real? What the heck!!! I should have taken HR 101!
The more I think about 2012, the more I believe it is a year that will go down as having a stinky start!! First, Dave has to have open heart surgery, then I leave Roche without another job and do the unemployment thing, then Chelsea has to start the kidney transplant process and THEN she has to get her tonsils out. And I was promised tickets to Zoobilation by my ex-employer which are now out of the question. AND my baby boy will be a Senior next school year! So I am old and it has been a crappy year so far. Other cultures have years named for animals - year of the monkey, year of the snake, etc. I deem 2012 the Year of the Skunk for its stinkiness.
Maybe the second half of 2012 will be the year of the Puppy, (everyone loves a puppy - right - cute, cuddly, fun, happy!). I mean there have been some signs that things are changing...I almost have a job, (still waiting for that paper offer letter. My new employer uses Taleo as Roche does and are awaiting approval of the requisition in the system. Apparently the Finance approver is on vacation and has no system proxy). And I have read a lot of books that had been collecting dust for years. And I have an awesome tan - sitting outside drinking my iced tea has become a ritual for me. My kids are gorgeous and I no longer spend time in the underbelly of the Fishers Library, (BTW, one of my contacts from the underbelly has informed me that Laqueesha is back. Apparently her ability to do good hair was all in her mind. I might go back into the underbelly and do a documentary or short story featuring Laqueesha). Oh, and all of you have been so kind and helpful that I realize "you like me, you really like me!" (For those youngsters in the audience, that was a Sally Field shoutout).
Well, I have to go back to my latest venture - online college courses that your tax dollars pay for me to take!! I am studying Philosophy. It makes my brain tired to try to keep up with all the arguments people spend time making up in Philosophy. And the questions on the weekly assignments are really not meant to be answered...What's the meaning of life?...Who is God?...What is most real or ultimately real? What the heck!!! I should have taken HR 101!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Merle Haggard ain't my cup of tea...
I will apologize in advance to my father for this post. But one more day at home with David playing Merle Haggard on his computer might cause me to go off the deep end. For those of you who don't know who Merle is, (I unfortunately grew up with him playing and then my dad decided to give my husband the gift that keeps on giving - every Merle song on a CD collection!) Google him and listen to part of a song. That is all it will take. Seriously. The man has smoked himself almost to death so he has a very gravel-like voice and quite the twang!!
I'm not a big country music fan to start with, then you add a little Merle and even some George Strait and you get a "Deliverance" type feel.
Wow - I will try to concentrate on the blog. Hard to keep my toes from tapping to the background music.
I'm now learning even more about the patience of the job search and final information. I was offered a job Friday evening and I am still awaiting a written offer. Patience my be a virtue, but I have never been good at being patient. I want to just call the employer and tell them I'll draft my own offer letter to get it done. But I'm thinking that might not be the first impression I want to create. They will find out soon enough how I am.
This role is located quite a way from Fishers so I will have to live during the week at another location. I'm realizing that I will have to create a second household for this venture. Argh! Do you think that if i left David, (which is a possibility with the whole Merle thing) and got engaged to someone else, I could get people to come to a bridal shower so I could get all the household stuff I need again? Probably more work than it's worth.
Hopefully, tomorrow I will receive the written offer. If not, I will have no choice but to continue the job search and I really don't want to do that.
Oh - we just switched from Merle to the song, "Swanging". Help me....
I'm not a big country music fan to start with, then you add a little Merle and even some George Strait and you get a "Deliverance" type feel.
Wow - I will try to concentrate on the blog. Hard to keep my toes from tapping to the background music.
I'm now learning even more about the patience of the job search and final information. I was offered a job Friday evening and I am still awaiting a written offer. Patience my be a virtue, but I have never been good at being patient. I want to just call the employer and tell them I'll draft my own offer letter to get it done. But I'm thinking that might not be the first impression I want to create. They will find out soon enough how I am.
This role is located quite a way from Fishers so I will have to live during the week at another location. I'm realizing that I will have to create a second household for this venture. Argh! Do you think that if i left David, (which is a possibility with the whole Merle thing) and got engaged to someone else, I could get people to come to a bridal shower so I could get all the household stuff I need again? Probably more work than it's worth.
Hopefully, tomorrow I will receive the written offer. If not, I will have no choice but to continue the job search and I really don't want to do that.
Oh - we just switched from Merle to the song, "Swanging". Help me....
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