- I used to HATE the old people who would get in front of me at the grocery store or at Wal-Mart. They moved like snails and, when they beat me to the check-out, they would usually have a coin purse and pay for their $30 purchase with coins!!!! It was maddening! But, now that I can, I plan to go to every store I can during work lunch hours when the working folks try to run errands on their lunch break and move at a snail's pace as well as take my penny jar to buy all my purchases. I might even use one of those store scooters and weave back and forth in each aisle so people can't pass me without getting hit!
- Biggest Loser - I mentioned this to my parents the other day and they were not really fans but maybe they just need to let it sink in. Given my new obsession with sweets, I believe I could get to 350-400 pounds really quickly. Then, I can audition for the television show, The Biggest Loser. I get a free trip to California and I can make like half a million dollars if I win. Sounds like a money maker to me!!!
- Work on researching an alternative method for mammograms. For those of you male readers, so in advance for the graphic description, (and sorry, Dad). As someone who is not terribly well endowed, the mammogram I had this past Monday was horrid. Not only is it painful, it is as awkward as heck! A technician has to play around with your chest, (no guys - nothing sexy about it - trust me) and then squeeze it between to glass plates until it is flat. I heard on CNN the other day that one of the cell phone companies has come up with an application for smart phones that allows people to have x-ray vision and see through people's clothes and maybe to their bones. I need to create a "Booby Vision" app so there is no more need for mammograms! I think this one could be a big money maker.
- I have also watched a lot of QVC, (hey - TV doesn't judge me so it is my friend). Some of the stuff that sells on QVC is laughable. I could so come up with something better than the clothing the Kardashians sell or the homemade jewelry that seems to sell very well. I would create a clothing line called "4 Real People." It would be for short, stumpy and hefty folks. Maybe tall people too but not if they are model skinny. And I could make homemade jewelry shaped like my favorite foods. Don't tell me you wouldn't buy donut hole earrings!
- I might also do a non-money maker that would make me feel better. For the 6 weeks I have been home, there has been a surge of religious people coming to our door to try to get me to come to their church. Unless I pretend I'm not home, (a trick I learned from my mom who used to make my brother, sister and me hide when the Avon lady came to the door) they are relentless. They want to testify for their religion which I fully respect but not if I say I already have a relationship with my God. So, from now on, I plan to let them come in and give their message. When they leave, I will follow them throughout the neighborhood talking with them about the reality crime shows I have recently seen. If they feel I need to be knowledgeable about their information, I feel they should know about all the sickos in the world. It seems a fair exchange.
So - don't worry about me. I have a lot of work to do as you can see from my big ideas above!!!
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