Well, my blogs have slowed down but so have I. A serious moment - life goes by fast. I hope my unemployment experience is a lasting booster shot to remember to focus on what is important in life.
2012 will be a year that I will never forget - Dave's heart surgery, leaving Roche, starting with a new company, (I received a verbal offer Friday night!!!) and helping Chelsea through kidney issues again, (we learned Friday that she is in end-stage renal failure so we will be getting tested and visiting a transplant center this month). Whew - all that and a mammogram. I deserve a plaque or medal or something!!!!
Noah had prom Saturday night. He is a piece of work. He looked so handsome in his tuxedo. And he has not a shy bone in his body so he was the first to hit the dance floor and showed his skills showing people "how to dougie" - whatever that is! Hopefully it's not something obscene!!
Mother's Day was another experience altogether. I had a nice lunch with my mom and siblings, (got her a Peyton Manning Denver shirt, along with my brother, so I'm in pretty good standing there!) then all hell broke loose. My children are 17 and 21 years old. They might as well be 2 and 3 years old. They fought most of the day. Makes me proud of my mothering skills - NOT!
Back to job learnings - the new job, (I'm afraid to give too many details or I'll jinx it) will be working with a large population of only male employees. Now, I truly love most of the people I worked with on a daily basis at Roche. But Roche HR is 99.9% female and that ain't so fun. Women can be mean, mean people. They say that women's "cycles", (yeah - I'm going there) align when they live or work together. Our team had like 15 women in a close work area who were either all experiencing a visit from "Aunt Flo" at the same time or were going through pre or actual menopause and wanted to shed clothing because of hot flashes. No joke, for the men in the audience and younger females, a hot flash is like someone starting a fire in all your bones and you are cooking from the inside out - you pore sweat. It is so not pretty. In one meeting, my own boss said, "How gross!" at my profuse sweating. Really boasts a female's confidence.
SOOOOO...I'm looking forward to all men in the workplace. They asked if I would be intimidated - I giggled and said I thought I could handle it. My husband has begun praying for those poor men. I'm not sure how to take that.
Well - I will keep the learning coming, even as I re-enter the workforce. I can't wait for the drug screen - that is one test I know I can pass!!!!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Can't we all work together?
I have begun to think of ways that all people who want to work should be able to work.
If I am ever elected president, (a phrase my husband loves to use!) my first act of power will be to implement these ideas:
If I am ever elected president, (a phrase my husband loves to use!) my first act of power will be to implement these ideas:
- All states will become no-fault employment states and implement 120-day probationary periods for all new hires, all levels. No more fancy pants recruiting systems. No more of the 4, 5 and 6 rounds of interviewing. Good old fashioned resume review, maybe a phone screen and the hiring Leader gets to interview and make the decision. First twenty five applicants then the job posting is deactived. No more consensus of candidate. A leader needs to have a backbone and take credit for good and bad hiring decisions.
- With all the money that no longer has to go to applicant tracking systems, companies can reward employees who are performing well.
- No video conference interviews - having a leader or candidates face frozen in an awkward position on video doesn't help anyone.
- If companies have executive approach to fill jobs, they have 30 days to do so or they lose the headcount. If they have other priorities during that time they can either designate a hiring decision proxy or quit their job as they seem fairly stupid to me if hiring talented people isn't a top priority.
- No one can make over 5 million per year. It's just wrong. Even if you win the lottery. Even if you are a celebrity.
- No carpet or wallpaper allowed in offices that is over 5 years old - it just gets to smelling and looking funky - yuck!
- No pizza for work lunches - just makes the workers unhealthy and screams, "we got the cheapest meal we could today as we try to extract work from you!!!!"
- Unemployment insurance goes away. No one should be unemployed for more than 30 days with my new system. Which means the mean ladies at the unemployment office have to look for work themselves - Karma baby!
- PowerPoints will be banned. People will simply have to draw their ideas or talk with other people. Cartoons or short documentaries are allowed.
- No meetings for more than 1 hour. And don't even try to cheat the system - I'm president for heaven's sake, no sneaking past me - you can't do back-to-back 1 hour meetings on the same topic.
- Medical, childcare and dental coverage will be provided by the U.S. government with all the money they will save with no unemployment and no welfare for non-working people. Insurance companies, (one of which turned me down 6 months ago for a job) will no longer be needed - more money that can go elsewhere.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
411
Okay, I think I have a few more job ideas as well as some helpful information for all of you.
First to the job ideas -- computer rental for recently unemployed professionals who were using their company computer as their own personal computer, (although, everyone should experience someone like Laqueesha) cell phone patrol agent - I would love to taser every person who attempts to drive with their cell phone to their ear or walks through the grocery store talking on the phone, personal space consultant - we seem to have consultants for everything from organizing to what to wear, (I knew I shouldn't have worn those pajama-looking pants to work that one day) so why not have someone to coach "close talkers" regarding personal distance, personal hygiene coach - need I explain more?, professional food taster and critic - if Rachel Ray could do it on $40 per day - I can do it on $35, mattress tester - my sleeping skills have gotten super good, Walt Disney World Secret Shopper, and Laqueesha's nail polish caddy - that girl has to have a huge supply of nail polish!
Now for the 411 - This is a serious one for those of you working at Roche. Roche's Anthem insurance allows you to get medical massages, (I know - I just talked about personal space and now I'm endorsing massages but you gotta love massages! Unless your name begins with N and you are a lousy driver) for $15 for a one hour massage. And, for those adventurous enough to utilize a chiropractor, you can get a realignment and massage combo for just $15!!! I have taken to needing medical massages weekly! If anyone wants to take advantage - I use Synergy/Abby Eaton and the phone number is 594-0004.
One last thought - I'd love your input - I'm thinking of adding a Glamour Shots to my interview portfolio - what do you think? With a pink boa and a bunch of make-up!!!!
First to the job ideas -- computer rental for recently unemployed professionals who were using their company computer as their own personal computer, (although, everyone should experience someone like Laqueesha) cell phone patrol agent - I would love to taser every person who attempts to drive with their cell phone to their ear or walks through the grocery store talking on the phone, personal space consultant - we seem to have consultants for everything from organizing to what to wear, (I knew I shouldn't have worn those pajama-looking pants to work that one day) so why not have someone to coach "close talkers" regarding personal distance, personal hygiene coach - need I explain more?, professional food taster and critic - if Rachel Ray could do it on $40 per day - I can do it on $35, mattress tester - my sleeping skills have gotten super good, Walt Disney World Secret Shopper, and Laqueesha's nail polish caddy - that girl has to have a huge supply of nail polish!
Now for the 411 - This is a serious one for those of you working at Roche. Roche's Anthem insurance allows you to get medical massages, (I know - I just talked about personal space and now I'm endorsing massages but you gotta love massages! Unless your name begins with N and you are a lousy driver) for $15 for a one hour massage. And, for those adventurous enough to utilize a chiropractor, you can get a realignment and massage combo for just $15!!! I have taken to needing medical massages weekly! If anyone wants to take advantage - I use Synergy/Abby Eaton and the phone number is 594-0004.
One last thought - I'd love your input - I'm thinking of adding a Glamour Shots to my interview portfolio - what do you think? With a pink boa and a bunch of make-up!!!!
Monday, May 7, 2012
Portfolio and Other Fun Stuff
Man do I have a lot to share with you today!!!!
I had a full day, (8 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.) of interviewing with a company today. Wow - 10.5 hours of work, not to mention interviewing, is really exhausting. As I re-enter the workforce, I believe I'll ask my future employer if I can ease back into work - maybe 4-5 hours per day!!
The interviews were fascinating. People are so interesting. The 10 people I interviewed with today were all very different from each other. Several Scientists - scary smart folks, some HR people - genuine people who are in it for the business and passion for the role versus superficial reasons, (yeah - you all know who I'm poking at with that comment) and several Sales Leaders. I don't know what it is about Sales people but I just get the biggest kick out of talking with them. It's like they have the gift for gab and they mesmerize me with their "fancy talk". Most times I don't really know what point they are making but it sounds so darn good that I find myself shaking my head in agreement!
This was the first interview in my life in which I used a portfolio to show my interviews samples of my work. Very effective way to go about selling your abilities! Other than the downside of having to lug around a heavy binder of my wares, it was much easier to talk from this binder than to come up with new examples each interview. Thanks to Kim for your help in "Marketing" my abilities. I sometimes think you believe in my abilities more than I do!!
It also sounds really impressive to tell interviews that you have brought your portfolio - so artistic and professional sounding, don't you think? I had lunch with a friend last week and mentioned that I was building my portfolio - she seemed puzzled that I hadn't already created one. She always was the smart one on the HR team!!!!
There were two negative things about today, however. First, I had to wear fancy shoes - I have been wearing flip flops for nearly two months. I really don't see why flip flops are not acceptable business attire. You know we all want to wear them to work. And even the highest level executives wear them on the weekends. So why not cut through the bull and wear what we all want to wear!?!?!? I'm going to be limping for the next week or so. The second negative was in the category of food. I love food. Those of you who know me well know that I prefer unhealthy food and I have an awful sweet tooth. I will eat just about anything - EXCEPT SUSHI. And where did they take me for lunch...a sushi restaurant. I swear whatever I tried to eat was still moving a bit as I tried to swallow it. The other issue with food was at breakfast. The woman who would be my boss took me to breakfast. She was a skinny little thing - all healthy and such. She took me to a pancake restaurant. And she ordered a small bowl of oatmeal and a banana. I really did think long and hard about ordering the same thing and giving the appearance of a healthy mindset but...I couldn't do it. I mean, what is the point of going to a good pancake house and getting oatmeal?? I can fix oatmeal at home. I chose to go with the impressive choice of eggs Benedict with potato cakes - OMG! Good eats! I think I made her throw up a bit in her mouth when I smothered my potato cakes with ketchup. At least she knows, should I join her team and there is ever a company eating contest, I can represent her team well!!!
Thanks to all of you who helped me prepare for these interviews. Other than my gluttony, I hit it out of the park in the interviews. By hour 10, my brain was a bit mushy but I was interviewing with a Sr. VP of Sales and he had a great sense of humor so he just made fun of my dead brain. It was a nice end to the day.
I had a full day, (8 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.) of interviewing with a company today. Wow - 10.5 hours of work, not to mention interviewing, is really exhausting. As I re-enter the workforce, I believe I'll ask my future employer if I can ease back into work - maybe 4-5 hours per day!!
The interviews were fascinating. People are so interesting. The 10 people I interviewed with today were all very different from each other. Several Scientists - scary smart folks, some HR people - genuine people who are in it for the business and passion for the role versus superficial reasons, (yeah - you all know who I'm poking at with that comment) and several Sales Leaders. I don't know what it is about Sales people but I just get the biggest kick out of talking with them. It's like they have the gift for gab and they mesmerize me with their "fancy talk". Most times I don't really know what point they are making but it sounds so darn good that I find myself shaking my head in agreement!
This was the first interview in my life in which I used a portfolio to show my interviews samples of my work. Very effective way to go about selling your abilities! Other than the downside of having to lug around a heavy binder of my wares, it was much easier to talk from this binder than to come up with new examples each interview. Thanks to Kim for your help in "Marketing" my abilities. I sometimes think you believe in my abilities more than I do!!
It also sounds really impressive to tell interviews that you have brought your portfolio - so artistic and professional sounding, don't you think? I had lunch with a friend last week and mentioned that I was building my portfolio - she seemed puzzled that I hadn't already created one. She always was the smart one on the HR team!!!!
There were two negative things about today, however. First, I had to wear fancy shoes - I have been wearing flip flops for nearly two months. I really don't see why flip flops are not acceptable business attire. You know we all want to wear them to work. And even the highest level executives wear them on the weekends. So why not cut through the bull and wear what we all want to wear!?!?!? I'm going to be limping for the next week or so. The second negative was in the category of food. I love food. Those of you who know me well know that I prefer unhealthy food and I have an awful sweet tooth. I will eat just about anything - EXCEPT SUSHI. And where did they take me for lunch...a sushi restaurant. I swear whatever I tried to eat was still moving a bit as I tried to swallow it. The other issue with food was at breakfast. The woman who would be my boss took me to breakfast. She was a skinny little thing - all healthy and such. She took me to a pancake restaurant. And she ordered a small bowl of oatmeal and a banana. I really did think long and hard about ordering the same thing and giving the appearance of a healthy mindset but...I couldn't do it. I mean, what is the point of going to a good pancake house and getting oatmeal?? I can fix oatmeal at home. I chose to go with the impressive choice of eggs Benedict with potato cakes - OMG! Good eats! I think I made her throw up a bit in her mouth when I smothered my potato cakes with ketchup. At least she knows, should I join her team and there is ever a company eating contest, I can represent her team well!!!
Thanks to all of you who helped me prepare for these interviews. Other than my gluttony, I hit it out of the park in the interviews. By hour 10, my brain was a bit mushy but I was interviewing with a Sr. VP of Sales and he had a great sense of humor so he just made fun of my dead brain. It was a nice end to the day.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Work Gets in the Way
So sorry I have not blogged for a few days. Those pesky employers have been calling me and wanting me to take time away from my busy blogging and sleeping schedule to talk with them. The nerve of those people!! Don't they realize I'm trying to take care of personal stuff right now!? Oh well.
I am really enjoying the new PC - and a shout out to my sister regarding her comment to me that I should come out of the dark ages and get a Mac...there is one Mac I will invest my money in - A BIG MAC. It really comes down to a matter of preference. Neither is better than the other when you consider cost, capability, size, etc. It's like saying republicans are better than democrats - there is no emperical evidence to support either argument. The "evidence" used by Mac users is that Macs are easier to use - as judged by the Mac user crowd. Enough about that - I prefer PC's. I'm sure Macs are wonderful but I prefer my PC. It's a little tiny thing with enough memory for my needs and only 3 pounds to carry when I again travel abroad.
I have final interviews next week at a company I really like. I'm hopeful all goes well and a good offer will be on its way to me mid next week.
I have realized that I do miss some things about work - birthday or promotion parties where cake is served, company provided lunches, having co-workers make fun of my daily tea container as a urine sample gone really wrong, and stealing sweets from other team's lunch or afternoon snack tables outside of the Staffing area, (Lisa - keep the tradition alive, please). I also miss the laughter. Not at me, with me! :) I do not miss panty hose, dress shoes, getting up early, wearing make-up daily, all day meetings and Bob - those at Roche know what I'm talking about - a wooden dummy as a reminder of our customers - what does that say about Roche customers?
I am really enjoying the new PC - and a shout out to my sister regarding her comment to me that I should come out of the dark ages and get a Mac...there is one Mac I will invest my money in - A BIG MAC. It really comes down to a matter of preference. Neither is better than the other when you consider cost, capability, size, etc. It's like saying republicans are better than democrats - there is no emperical evidence to support either argument. The "evidence" used by Mac users is that Macs are easier to use - as judged by the Mac user crowd. Enough about that - I prefer PC's. I'm sure Macs are wonderful but I prefer my PC. It's a little tiny thing with enough memory for my needs and only 3 pounds to carry when I again travel abroad.
I have final interviews next week at a company I really like. I'm hopeful all goes well and a good offer will be on its way to me mid next week.
I have realized that I do miss some things about work - birthday or promotion parties where cake is served, company provided lunches, having co-workers make fun of my daily tea container as a urine sample gone really wrong, and stealing sweets from other team's lunch or afternoon snack tables outside of the Staffing area, (Lisa - keep the tradition alive, please). I also miss the laughter. Not at me, with me! :) I do not miss panty hose, dress shoes, getting up early, wearing make-up daily, all day meetings and Bob - those at Roche know what I'm talking about - a wooden dummy as a reminder of our customers - what does that say about Roche customers?
Monday, April 30, 2012
Alone Time
I have two pieces of good news today...
First, Laqueesha from the library got herself a job Saturday! All of the folks in the Fishers Library underground club were thrilled, (more so because she will no longer be coming to the library than because she inspired the rest of us that there is hope).
Second, my husband began to feel sorry for me having to sit at the library so he made me invest in a new laptop computer. So NO MORE LIBRARY COMPUTER ROOM!!!!
Now let's discuss another aspect of unemployment that is interesting to me. I would have described myself as someone who likes to work around other people. However, if I do not get some alone time soon, I will go insane.
As many of you know, my husband is a stay at home dad. He is used to his routines at home. So we find ourselves literally tripping over each other. I am not, and will never be, a morning person. I like to eat breakfast, check the news and drink my iced tea first thing in the morning. Preferably without any human contact. Dave is a chatter box and will talk to anyone at anytime. ARGH! He also has a weird morning ritual. He goes around the house straightening everything - TV remotes, pads of paper, anything else. If I sit down and turn on the TV and do not return the remote to it's designated space on the end table, I receive quite a glare! The first thing I plan to do upon getting a new job is to find an office with a door, go into that office, and shut the door and just sit by myself for a bit.
First, Laqueesha from the library got herself a job Saturday! All of the folks in the Fishers Library underground club were thrilled, (more so because she will no longer be coming to the library than because she inspired the rest of us that there is hope).
Second, my husband began to feel sorry for me having to sit at the library so he made me invest in a new laptop computer. So NO MORE LIBRARY COMPUTER ROOM!!!!
Now let's discuss another aspect of unemployment that is interesting to me. I would have described myself as someone who likes to work around other people. However, if I do not get some alone time soon, I will go insane.
As many of you know, my husband is a stay at home dad. He is used to his routines at home. So we find ourselves literally tripping over each other. I am not, and will never be, a morning person. I like to eat breakfast, check the news and drink my iced tea first thing in the morning. Preferably without any human contact. Dave is a chatter box and will talk to anyone at anytime. ARGH! He also has a weird morning ritual. He goes around the house straightening everything - TV remotes, pads of paper, anything else. If I sit down and turn on the TV and do not return the remote to it's designated space on the end table, I receive quite a glare! The first thing I plan to do upon getting a new job is to find an office with a door, go into that office, and shut the door and just sit by myself for a bit.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Seriously!
Have you heard the song, "Had a Bad Day"? I think they play it on American Idol when the folks are voted off. It should be playing as my theme song today!!
First - I called back with a counter offer on the job I was offered. I was all ready for a fierce negotiations process. The VP of HR said, "My offer is my best and final offer - take it or leave it". I simply asked, "Seriously?". He confirmed. So I finished my negotiations with my dog Lilly because she was receptive and I didn't want all that preparation to go to waste. If her tail wagging is any indication, I think I negotiated a $1 million base salary with a 75% bonus!!!
Then, I had a phone interview with a large Indiana company. The person who was doing the phone screen, (I will call him Skippy as he seemed very Country Club, Preppy and Teenaged to me) called 10 minutes late. He was supposed to talk with me last Friday but he put our meeting on the wrong date in his calendar - duh!!! He interviewed me for an entire 14 minutes. He seemed so very interested - NOT! He asked about my strategic thinking ability and I told him I was thinking strategically as we spoke - he didn't get my humor. I asked him to define strategy as he sees it. He couldn't. Seriously - these people get to make the hiring decisions!!!?!??!
Now I'm awaiting another phone screen at 3:00. This is with the COO of a company. I made the wonderful blunder yesterday of responding to his e-mail seeking time to speak with me by addressing him as Christy versus Chris. Nice first impression. His grandfather started the company and I called him a girl!!!! OMG!
I think I'm going to see if Laqueesha can give me a make-over so I can really wow people when I do my next on-site interview.
First - I called back with a counter offer on the job I was offered. I was all ready for a fierce negotiations process. The VP of HR said, "My offer is my best and final offer - take it or leave it". I simply asked, "Seriously?". He confirmed. So I finished my negotiations with my dog Lilly because she was receptive and I didn't want all that preparation to go to waste. If her tail wagging is any indication, I think I negotiated a $1 million base salary with a 75% bonus!!!
Then, I had a phone interview with a large Indiana company. The person who was doing the phone screen, (I will call him Skippy as he seemed very Country Club, Preppy and Teenaged to me) called 10 minutes late. He was supposed to talk with me last Friday but he put our meeting on the wrong date in his calendar - duh!!! He interviewed me for an entire 14 minutes. He seemed so very interested - NOT! He asked about my strategic thinking ability and I told him I was thinking strategically as we spoke - he didn't get my humor. I asked him to define strategy as he sees it. He couldn't. Seriously - these people get to make the hiring decisions!!!?!??!
Now I'm awaiting another phone screen at 3:00. This is with the COO of a company. I made the wonderful blunder yesterday of responding to his e-mail seeking time to speak with me by addressing him as Christy versus Chris. Nice first impression. His grandfather started the company and I called him a girl!!!! OMG!
I think I'm going to see if Laqueesha can give me a make-over so I can really wow people when I do my next on-site interview.
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